dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
