who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
