I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
