I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
