I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
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Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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