God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
