I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
