It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
