I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
