thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
