i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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