____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
