I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
