i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
