I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
