So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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