i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
