Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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