just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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