Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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