She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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