i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
