She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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