Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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