she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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