So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
