hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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