she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
