Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
