Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
