I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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