Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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