Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
