I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
