Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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