He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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