Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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