Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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