you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
