My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
