Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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