careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
