i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
