he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
