Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
