anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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