She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
