tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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