It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
