winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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