Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
