so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
