On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
