My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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