Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
