I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
