he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
