i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
