I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
