God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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