Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
