he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
