I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
