my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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