Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
