My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
