I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
