You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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