Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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