pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
