There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The best revenge is premature balding
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
