I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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