Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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