I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
