M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
