I cockslap morals
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
