ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
