went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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